A Fart Not Smelled is a Fart Wasted

Let me start by saying: I swear the title is relevant!

Also, Happy belated Mother’s Day! The service started out with parent and child dedications. I really don’t mean any offense, but it certainly was unnerving for me. I understand the premise of it. It wasn’t the intentions behind it that bothered me, but the actions to do it… The Pastor mentioned “laying hands” and asked everyone in attendance to reach out to the families as they were prayed over. Laying hands… It brought me back to my first time going and I wondered if one of the parents would start convulsing when the Pastor touched them. I really need to work on internalizing that this isn’t that sort of church, but when I hear “laying hands,” that’s the image that comes to mind. Barring my convoluted vision of what could happen, it was rather nice. It was a really nice thing for the church to offer for Mother’s Day.

Following the serious spiritual start of the service, the Pastor presented us with mom themed memes! I was happy to see my favorite among them!

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When my son was younger, this couldn’t have been more true. I think now it’s more along the lines of “I took a shower and didn’t rip out all of my hair.” He’s at an age where his questions never end and they’re seemingly always about what we’re going to do tomorrow, or for his next birthday, or next Halloween, or next Christmas… It’s never later today. I try to answer him, but I haven’t scheduled things out that far!

Ok, not all of service was dedicated to Mother’s Day, the Pastor did give a sermon! It was based on Philippians 2:1-11. He started, at least as far as my notes say (I don’t know what’s going on with the podcasts, but they’re not available for me to refer back to,) with Philippians 2:3-4 – Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

I am selfish. I admit it. Especially with food and money. I’m not entirely sure why I feel so aggressively possessive of my food, but I am. I irrationally angry when someone wants “a bite” or “a couple fries.” I got as much food as I wanted, not as much as I wanted and a few extra bites for you! My issues surrounding money developed when I was with my ex-husband. I had to hide my money or he’d take it and spend it on beer and strippers. Unfortunately, the urge to hide it and claim it as mine has lingered throughout the years. I want to work on it. I occasionally offer to share food, but it’s definitely a slow work in progress.

Trying to impress others… No, I can’t see myself doing that. I don’t like other people enough to try and impress them. Maybe impress upon them a need to give me space. Attempting to impress others is a losing battle. You won’t win! You’ll impress one person while other people will call you a fool. ALWAYS be the outcome. So, if you’re Christian, you’ve got a book that lays out exactly how you can impress the single-most important being in your life. If you’re like me and don’t believe, impress the person looking back at you in the mirror.

Don’t be Kanye… I mean, be humble. Kanye is the antonym of humble! No one likes him. I don’t know if I’m humble, I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it. Maybe I’ll ask people if they think I’m humble and we can revisit this! In general though, no one likes a narcissist. You’re not infallible, don’t try to convince people otherwise.

Here is where it got funny!!! I never thought I’d ever hear an example quite like this in a church! Taking an interest in others, too! Farting on a plane was the Pastor’s example! He admitted he understands why people fart on planes, the intestinal discomfort and what not, but then something atrocious happens… That smelly fart gets recycled through the air vents in the plane the rest of the flight! He said he wouldn’t expect anyone to ride out the entire flight in agony to keep it in, he’d simply ask that you go do it in the bathroom (He specified the bathroom at the rear of the plane because it’s less likely to have a line.)

Taking an interest in others is a hard one for me. To be quite honest, I typically don’t. It actually started on a plane for me! I breastfed my son for 14 months. I did it however I was comfortable (With a blanket, without a blanket, “flop it out”, layered shirts, etc.). When my son was 10 months old I flew from New York to Florida. In attempt to think of the comfort of other passengers on the plain, I bought two small bottles of apple juice (The kind in the itty bitty bottles that you can attach a bottle nipple to.) I didn’t know if the seats around us would be booked or not and I didn’t want to turn the person seated next to me tomato red when I fed my son. TSA made me throw away the sealed bottles of apple juice! I didn’t want to give my son apple juice with all the nasty additives! I didn’t want to spend money on garbage when I produced enough to feed quintuplets! No, I did it because I was being considerate of whomever might have been seated next to us and TSA made me throw away my attempt. Ever since then, I do what suits me. If the people around me are comfortable with it, cool. If not, I’m not forcing you to be in my company. I know that sounds stupid and petty, but if you knew how much of a breastfeeding nut I am, you’d understand why that one moment sticks out so much.

Now then! This post is nearly two weeks late, it’s after 1am, and my notes kind of dwindled after the airplane farting reference. Hint, hint: I’m about to work on my post from the following week. Let’s see how much I ramble!

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Sometimes It’s Just Green Spray Paint

Total side note: I think I’m going to specifically aim to put up a post on Mondays instead of Sundays. It’ll give me more time to reflect on the service and listen to the podcast of it if need be. Not to mention, I’ve been late getting it up the last couple weeks. It just feels rushed trying to get it up on Sundays.

Now a church related side note: The church was able to donate $5,000 to disaster relief in Nepal! This goes back to the first evening meeting I wrote about and the margins the church runs within. They didn’t need to do a fundraiser or wait for enough money to be donated. The Pastor contacted a missionary he knows that is in Nepal, asked what they needed and cut the check! I think it’s extraordinary that people have given so much to the church that they’re able to do participate in all of the organizations they’re involved with, support the church’s staff and events, drop $5,000 for disaster relief, and I’m fairly certain they’re still capable of giving if someone comes up in need! Generous hearts that attend the church and a wise money-management plan has set this church up for greatness.

Service!

The Pastor continued the series on being weird. I have to admit, I was kind of dreading this service. He had mentioned that this one was going to be about “sexual impurities” (Not his words, but you get the gist.) I knew that would include two hot-button topics for me: Homosexuality and abstinence. I support all things gay related… Gay marriage, adoption, just being gay… All of it. It doesn’t personally affect me, I’m not gay. Gay people getting married doesn’t negate the validity of my marriage and by all rationale, my marriage would be just as unholy (2 Corinthians 6:14-18 says so.) If single parents can make up for their missing partner, then two of one gender can partner to raise children too.

To my surprise! The Pastor didn’t dwell on homosexuality. He mentioned it and moved on. I was surprised because when I was younger, I went to Ybor City a lot. The “curbside preachers” all had their best imitation of Westboro Baptist Church’s signs condemning gay people. The typical “Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.” They were nasty people. They came out with their bullhorns to yell at people and condemn them all to hell. It’s the lack of condemnation that surprised me! The Pastor’s tone is “This is a sin. You know it, I know it. It’s on you to see it and change your ways.”

The other part I was dreading, abstinence… Not so much the theory of abstinence, but I think preaching and teaching abstinence are two different things. Preach abstinence as the ideal coarse of action, but teach safe sex. That’s a big one for me, because I believe whenever we make things taboo, they become a million times more desirable to those we’re trying to ward away from it.

Otherwise, I’m pretty onboard with what he was saying! He offered some examples of how people wind up sinning. Some “normal” thought processes that make it easier.

Everyone looks: Yep, a lot of people do. The Pastor noted that men look for physical things and women look for emotional things. Statistics back him up! I’ve always found that odd. I don’t believe in cheating. As soon as the thought to look elsewhere hits you, I think you should own it and see what needs to be fixed in your relationship. It’s such a downward spiral from there, that listing the other two “normal” thought processes separating doesn’t make sense to me. It goes from everyone looks, to I can’t help it, to at least I don’t act on it… And then you’re acting on it. All that looking and fantasizing about someone you think would be better (i.e. Prettier, more emotionally available, more financially stable…) when you should’ve realized something needed to be fixed when that “greener pasture” first caught your attention.

It seems like “everyone looks” for something better when it comes to everything. A better car, a better house, a better job, a better spouse, and a better lawn. Funny thing about always looking to “greener pastures,” sometimes it’s just green spray paint. I talked to a friend about this “greener pastures” thing and she nearly blew my eardrum laughing! Her and her husband had been admiring a neighbor’s lawn. It’s always perfectly manicured and a brilliant green. Well, one day she was driving by when he was outside working on his yard. She stopped to ask him what he did to make his yard look so vibrant. His answer… The stuff he was sprinkling on the yard actually has green dye in it and he puts it on the grass when it’s about to rain so it soaks in and dyes the grass! Not to brag or anything, but I’ve got a pretty awesome friend and even though her and her husband are going up against a “cheater,” they’re working on their lawn the hard way. They’re going to make it truly healthy!

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The Pastor found a startling statistic: 60% of people will commit adultery by the age of 40… So when you’re 40 and hanging out with your 40 year old friends, three out of five of them will have cheated on their spouse! 100% of those people started out just looking, because everyone looks…

Why “Sometimes It’s Just Green Spray Paint” hasn’t gone up…

I’m going

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Cartoon of me provided by BitStrips’ Bitmoji keyboard

Excuses, excuses, I know! I figured I’d offer an explanation for why I haven’t put up my blog from last Sunday, it’s still sitting in my drafts.

WARNING this post will contain information many may deem as too much information. I’ve mentioned being an “open book” in the past and this post will undoubtedly prove my point. It will not contain graphic images, it’s not a “NSFW” post! It’ll simply be a little more than you probably wanted to know about me.

Onward! So, I’ve talked about arts and crafts that I’m into and I’m pretty sure I’ve touched on the way that crafts plague my life. Well, this week has been an excellent example of it! Once I get an idea of something to make, I can’t stop thinking about it until I’ve done it… Thinking is an understatement, obsessing is more accurate. I get scatter-brained, I can’t sleep, I feel aimless. It’s horrible! I’ve had to take sleep aides to get some sleep when stuck in the cycle of obsession! I tried multiple times to sit down and type out my blog for last Sunday. I’d type, delete it all, type it another way and delete it again. I ended up going to JoAnn’s for the supplies to make what’s in my head instead of finishing the blog post. I simply couldn’t do it!

I’ve stayed up until 4am carving or crocheted until my vision blurred. It’s not uncommon with crafts like carving, crocheting, or knitting that the reason I stopped and didn’t pick it back up for a couple days was because my hands were blistered and so sore I could wield the needed tools. I started sewing on Monday this week. I’ve sewn everyday so far, including this morning. My neck and shoulders are screaming for a break, but I have 12 more things cut out and ready to be sewn! I can’t stop now!

I think the only saving grace of my obsession is that I’m good at it. The achilles heel of making it profitable, I can only make things based off of what pops into my head. I can’t muster the motivation to create someone else’s idea. The only time I’ve sold something I made was a monkey I crocheted. It sat in the house for a few months, I showed a couple friends and one of them happened to want it.

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The monkey I made and sold

Now, my obsessive nature doesn’t stop with arts and crafts. I like to know things about everything. Not to say I’m a know-it-all, but if a topic piques my interest, all bets are off! I’ll be stuck researching it until I can’t find any new information on it. Hot topics I like to research off and on are medicine and law. I’m a huge medical dork! I should’ve gone to school to be a doctor, but I was too busy sleeping in high school to achieve any grades worth noting. A quick note on my blog’s Facebook page noted that I’m currently involving myself in the legal system. Pro-se is so overwhelming! It’s worth the savings! One lawyer told me his retainer is $3,500 and he’s $385/hr! To top off his outrageous pricing, he also flat out admitted to being inexperienced in the field of law I would’ve been using him for!

All of this culminates into my current project! (This is also the TMI part, if you’re looking to skip out on that!) RUMPS or reusable menstrual products. How many noses scrunched up at the thought of that? Let me ‘splain! So, this is inevitably going to end up being a sort of “lesson” on RUMPS and an explanation on how they came to my attention or became the object of my current obsession.

I was originally introduced to Soft Cups, they’re disposable menstrual cups and readily available at Walgreen’s (Some other stores too, but I don’t know which ones!) A friend told me how much less she cramped while using them. <- THAT was the spark that ignited my obsession! Of course, I went straight to the store and got some! Now I feel like I’ve been menstruating wrong for over a decade! From there I looked into reusable menstrual cups. If I’m dumping tampons, why not look for a way where I won’t have to buy another menstrual product for at least another decade? Ok, I got my hands on reusable menstrual cups… Now, I know every single lady reading this right now knows about leaks! All of you! If you’re denying it, you’re lying! I was determined to fully kick the menstrual product industry to the curb, including panty liners! Thus, I present to you, the panty liners I’ve been making this week! I am no longer contributing to a multi-billion dollar industry that isn’t really interested in the innovation of feminine hygiene products. Not to mention, no risk of TSS (You know you’ve read the tampon insert, everyone has when stranded in the bathroom with nothing to read!), saving about $120/yr (That doesn’t sound like much, but over the last 16 years, that’s nearly $2,000 I could’ve spent on something more worthwhile), and last, but certainly not least… Feminine hygiene product manufacturers use “trade secrets” as a means to not disclose what’s actually in their products. Look at your box of tampons or pads, it doesn’t tell you what it’s made of. I’m fairly disappointed in myself for having not noticed before, but it’s what I’ve known all this time. There wasn’t an alternative that I knew of. You check the ingredients in your food, your pet’s food, what materials your clothing is made out of, your hair products… But not something worn in such an intimate place? I’m not satisfied with not knowing, so I’ve made the switch.

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So, now you know! I’m obsessed and can’t stop until I’ve finished the project.