A Fart Not Smelled is a Fart Wasted

Let me start by saying: I swear the title is relevant!

Also, Happy belated Mother’s Day! The service started out with parent and child dedications. I really don’t mean any offense, but it certainly was unnerving for me. I understand the premise of it. It wasn’t the intentions behind it that bothered me, but the actions to do it… The Pastor mentioned “laying hands” and asked everyone in attendance to reach out to the families as they were prayed over. Laying hands… It brought me back to my first time going and I wondered if one of the parents would start convulsing when the Pastor touched them. I really need to work on internalizing that this isn’t that sort of church, but when I hear “laying hands,” that’s the image that comes to mind. Barring my convoluted vision of what could happen, it was rather nice. It was a really nice thing for the church to offer for Mother’s Day.

Following the serious spiritual start of the service, the Pastor presented us with mom themed memes! I was happy to see my favorite among them!


When my son was younger, this couldn’t have been more true. I think now it’s more along the lines of “I took a shower and didn’t rip out all of my hair.” He’s at an age where his questions never end and they’re seemingly always about what we’re going to do tomorrow, or for his next birthday, or next Halloween, or next Christmas… It’s never later today. I try to answer him, but I haven’t scheduled things out that far!

Ok, not all of service was dedicated to Mother’s Day, the Pastor did give a sermon! It was based on Philippians 2:1-11. He started, at least as far as my notes say (I don’t know what’s going on with the podcasts, but they’re not available for me to refer back to,) with Philippians 2:3-4 – Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

I am selfish. I admit it. Especially with food and money. I’m not entirely sure why I feel so aggressively possessive of my food, but I am. I irrationally angry when someone wants “a bite” or “a couple fries.” I got as much food as I wanted, not as much as I wanted and a few extra bites for you! My issues surrounding money developed when I was with my ex-husband. I had to hide my money or he’d take it and spend it on beer and strippers. Unfortunately, the urge to hide it and claim it as mine has lingered throughout the years. I want to work on it. I occasionally offer to share food, but it’s definitely a slow work in progress.

Trying to impress others… No, I can’t see myself doing that. I don’t like other people enough to try and impress them. Maybe impress upon them a need to give me space. Attempting to impress others is a losing battle. You won’t win! You’ll impress one person while other people will call you a fool. ALWAYS be the outcome. So, if you’re Christian, you’ve got a book that lays out exactly how you can impress the single-most important being in your life. If you’re like me and don’t believe, impress the person looking back at you in the mirror.

Don’t be Kanye… I mean, be humble. Kanye is the antonym of humble! No one likes him. I don’t know if I’m humble, I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it. Maybe I’ll ask people if they think I’m humble and we can revisit this! In general though, no one likes a narcissist. You’re not infallible, don’t try to convince people otherwise.

Here is where it got funny!!! I never thought I’d ever hear an example quite like this in a church! Taking an interest in others, too! Farting on a plane was the Pastor’s example! He admitted he understands why people fart on planes, the intestinal discomfort and what not, but then something atrocious happens… That smelly fart gets recycled through the air vents in the plane the rest of the flight! He said he wouldn’t expect anyone to ride out the entire flight in agony to keep it in, he’d simply ask that you go do it in the bathroom (He specified the bathroom at the rear of the plane because it’s less likely to have a line.)

Taking an interest in others is a hard one for me. To be quite honest, I typically don’t. It actually started on a plane for me! I breastfed my son for 14 months. I did it however I was comfortable (With a blanket, without a blanket, “flop it out”, layered shirts, etc.). When my son was 10 months old I flew from New York to Florida. In attempt to think of the comfort of other passengers on the plain, I bought two small bottles of apple juice (The kind in the itty bitty bottles that you can attach a bottle nipple to.) I didn’t know if the seats around us would be booked or not and I didn’t want to turn the person seated next to me tomato red when I fed my son. TSA made me throw away the sealed bottles of apple juice! I didn’t want to give my son apple juice with all the nasty additives! I didn’t want to spend money on garbage when I produced enough to feed quintuplets! No, I did it because I was being considerate of whomever might have been seated next to us and TSA made me throw away my attempt. Ever since then, I do what suits me. If the people around me are comfortable with it, cool. If not, I’m not forcing you to be in my company. I know that sounds stupid and petty, but if you knew how much of a breastfeeding nut I am, you’d understand why that one moment sticks out so much.

Now then! This post is nearly two weeks late, it’s after 1am, and my notes kind of dwindled after the airplane farting reference. Hint, hint: I’m about to work on my post from the following week. Let’s see how much I ramble!


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